The Blog

I was so looking forward to drinking my coffee this morning I took a huge gulp from my cup before I considered it might be too hot. “Coffee, coffee, coffee – ouch! Oh yeah...” Most of yesterday passed me by before I realized I never wrote my blog. It was strange really, my forgetting about it. Lots going on, I guess. Preparing for summer and the changes that come with it; kids, travel, what not. On top of this, though, I’ve found that writing my entries is becoming more difficult as I work on other projects – projects that are more serious in nature. I’m a newbie when it comes to the realm of upscale fiction, see. For the last two years I’ve been inside my comfort zone of light women’s literature, where the rules of sentence structure are much more lax – so much easier. F-bombs, zany banter, a gross over usage of exclamation marks and italics, anything goes (for the most part). *sigh* Upscale is, well, upscale. It’s serious – delicate and pointed, but with just enough poetry to balance out the sparseness of its structure. It has to be compelling. It has to be beautiful. Water for Elephants, Memoirs of a Geisha, stories like this, they sweep you away. They may not necessarily leave you feeling super peppy, but they stay with you, giving you that sigh when you think about it. “Oh, I love that book.” It’s an art, writing in such a way. A skill I’m striving to hone – writing, rewriting, digging, then rewriting again. Just like guitar lessons or Call of Duty, you have to practice in order to be a badass. Can you expect to sleigh every Nazi zombie that crosses your path if you never pick up your AK47? Hardly. Full circle – this is why my blog has been so uninspired lately. I’m not used to switching roles, going back and forth between a serious voice and a light one. The easy thing to do would be to chill on my blog until I have a better grasp on what I’m doing. But keeping up with this blog is a lot like working out. You skip a few days and before you know it, your motivation is gone. So, it seems what I really need to do is find a way to integrate the two – to find a way to work on my serious voice while remaining dedicated to my lighthearted blog. Maybe I’ll start writing short stories every day in an upscale tone, but have those stories be about something completely irreverent - like an epic battle between my laundry room and me: Dawn. This day has been looming. Haunting me. A material ocean churns in the distance, threaded together by sweat, by dirt – by fear. My fear. I’m out numbered, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. There’s only one of me, so many of them. Soldiers shrouded in soiled clothing, mercenaries stained by the verdant grasses of the battlefields. My only armor, my only defense against this army is will…and Oxyclean. Michelle

29.05 20120

What Should I Name This Entry?

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

I have to be honest. Lately I’ve found that I’m a little uninspired. Maybe I’m busy, maybe I’m hormonal…maybe I’m hungry, who knows? All I can say is, yesterday morning and today, I’ve woken up with a blank stare upon opening my laptop. I’m working on a new literary project at the moment, so it’s possible all my fruits of creation are inadvertently being juiced and consumed by it. And when I say all my creativity, I mean it. I sat down to color with my daughter and I had no idea which Crayon to pick. “What should I color her dress? Purple, oh, okay… What about the frog? Green? Brilliant.” I need to make a menu and grocery list today, but fat chance on that. If I'm being stumped by a coloring book, I sure as HELL am not going to be able to compose an interesting menu. GRILLED CHEESE FOR ALL! Don’t give up on me, sisters. I swear, my mojo will return. Michelle

28.05 20120

Sorry, Kids…But Not Really

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

Happy Memorial Day! I’m assuming that most of you are off work or out of school, as most people are. Except my kids. They have school today. They’re super happy about it, too. My teenaged son doesn’t understand why they have to go when the rest of the country is sleeping in. If I were a cool mom, I’d let them stay home, especially since this is the last week of school and I know they aren’t doing anything of consequence. However, I have shit to do and am not a cool mom, so my tax dollars will be put to good use today. I’ll make a special after-school snack to make up for it…probably… Michelle

25.05 20120

Stickin’ It to the Man

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

I think it’s funny how the simplest thing can inspire momentous irritation. Case in point: grocery shopping at Wal-Mart (and no, it isn’t as obvious as you might be anticipating). There I am in the pet section, doing my best to muscle an over-priced, four-ton bag of dog food into my rickety cart. On the front of the bright green bag there’s this picture of a super happy golden retriever, chasing a Frisbee with a smile on his face through a flower filled meadow. I’m assuming he’s in such high spirits because he’s being given food that’s full of so many vitamins and whole grains and veggies – wait, WHAT? This is dog food, right? If there are any vets reading my blog, I urge you to educate me on why a DOG needs whole grains or vegetables. I was under the impression that they’re carnivorous by nature – am I wrong? Would a T-Rex have been a better hunter had he spent a little more time in the wheat fields? In case you can’t tell – that was sarcasm. Americans are completely misled by marketing - this is nothing new. If we’ve mastered anything in this country, it’s packaging. There are parents who sleep well at night because Lucky Charms is made from whole grain. “Delicious AND good for the kids!” Sorry Mom and Dad, I hate to rain on your preservative-packed parade, but General Mills is lying to you. And that grinning Quaker can’t be trusted, either. Behind those rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes is the equivalent to a crack dealer – filling our bloodstreams with addictive sugars while the brightly colored words and exclamation marks assure us the food inside the box is healthy. “Oh, it says it’s made from real corn. It’s practically a salad, then!” *eye roll* Now what has it come to? Dog food that’s packed full of veggies and whole grain – “Easier on your pet’s digestive system!” WHAT?! Am I against raising a healthy hound? No. I’m just confused. Everyone is aware that they have different digestive systems than we do, right? Like, their whole process – stomach acids, enzymes – it’s not the same as humans. How do I know this? BECAUSE THEY’RE DOGS. Not the same species. Not even close. Okay, okay, I've already placed one foot on my soapbox, so I'm going to step down before I find myself in the middle of an orgasmic anti-governmental rant. All I'm saying is, marketing companies should not be trusted and the FDA is not your friend. Yes – all this from a bag of dog food. Grrrr… Michelle

22.05 20120

Let’s Get Physical

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

First day back with the trainer! YAY! I’m excited to have someone holding me accountable for my actions, again. Mainly because I’m so terrible at doing it myself. It wasn’t easy, running, lunging and curling, punching the air with weighted hands while squatting against the wall – I’m shaky and spent right now. My clothes are sweated through and I smell of something terrible, but man-oh-man, I feel great. And I imagine after the nap I’m about to take, I’ll feel even better. Viva la short blog! Michelle

21.05 20120

Is Anyone There?

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

This weekend the hubs took our kids out of town to watch the Houston Astros play the Texas Rangers for the last time. Evidently that’s a big deal… Not to me, of course – but to a mass of other people, it is. With this in mind, I stayed home because I had work to do and frankly, I think my husband could sense I needed some quiet time. It’s not that I’ve been so incredibly stressed lately - sometimes it’s just nice to experience a little solitude. In addition to that, I haven’t spent the night by myself in my own house in nine years. If I have, I don’t remember it. So, needless to say, even though I felt guilty for sending them off, deep down, I was excited. How did I utilize my time while all alone in this big empty house on 70 empty acres? Whatever the HELL I wanted to do, that’s what! Every cliché imaginable, I acted out with relish. Bubble bath? Check. Walk through the house naked? Check. Threesome with Ben & Jerry? Check. Five hours of True Blood over a bottle of wine and a ridiculously big bowl of popcorn? Check, check, check. I didn’t even wake up until 9:30 Sunday morning! I kept thinking to myself, Wow – this is really nice! That is until lunch came and went…and the afternoon came and went…and the sunset came and went. Nightfall hit and they still weren't home. I was like, “What the hell is taking them so long?!” Once they finally showed up, I was hugging and kissing my family like they'd just come home from the battlefield. "I'm SO glad you're home!" Looks like 36-hours of solitude is about all I can take. Michelle

18.05 20120

Keeping Up Appearances

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

Quick blog today – just saying “Hi!” I’ve got a professional organizer coming to my house in less than three hours and the place is a disaster. I need to run around and put stuff away so she doesn’t know what a train wreck my organizational skills really are! I'll let you know how it goes on Monday. Until then, Happy Friday, sister goddesses! Clean, clean, clean! Michelle

17.05 20120

Where’s the Blog?

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

Please excuse yesterday’s absence. There’s no doctor’s note, nor do I have a letter written by either of my parents. I only have my word that there is a perfectly valid reason for me not writing yesterday and here it is. I felt like shit. So, there you have it. Since we’re close friends, I feel comfortable confiding in you that I normally don’t mind being a little sick. Pathetic, I know – but it’s one of my dirty little secrets. Being under the weather is the only time I don’t feel guilty for taking it easy – skipping the workout, leaving the laptop in the other room, watching TV instead of folding clothes. Not that I have to be sick in order to shirk the laundry, but I digress. What I’m saying here is, Me + Sick = Day Off. It’s a bit of immaturity carried over from my schoolgirl days. Of course I said I don’t mind being a little sick. Anything beyond the scope of Luden’s cherry lozenges and a bowl of chicken noodle soup is excluded. I’m no masochist. Bed stricken and debilitated is not a condition I’m okay with and it should be stated that yesterday was not okay. God in heaven, the stomach cramps were so bad. I didn’t know whether I had food poisoning or was going into labor. Considering my record, I think it’s safe to say I wouldn’t be God’s top pick for Immaculate Conception, so food poisoning was the obvious culprit for my discomfort. The bad news is, I was in a great deal of pain and was virtually miserable. The good news is I’m better today and am all caught up on the seven episodes of Smash I’ve missed over the last few weeks. Boy, that Ivy is a turkey, isn’t she? On a side note, I was so excited to log into my website this morning and find that I had 16 comments waiting for me. Of course it was all porn spam, but still… Michelle

15.05 20120

Iron Chef’s a Softy

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gone to the grocery store? Neither do I. After three nights of take out meals, two of which were borderline inedible, I’m taking my cue from the Universe. I should probably go get some groceries. I was making my list this morning, trying to construct a menu in my head. Every meal that came to mind I had to scrap because my daughter’s become quite the picky eater. The only food she’ll eat willingly is cheeseburgers, quesadillas and donut holes. She’ll settle for pancakes or waffles every now and then, and she usually won’t turn down a bowl of popcorn – but this lends me no comfort. It surprises me that she’s able to poop at all. What happened to me? I used to be the food Nazi of this household. No meal was served without veggies and no one left that table without eating said veggies. Now I’m like, “Eh. You want a jelly sandwich for dinner? Cool – grab a V8 Fusion to ease my conscience.” And no, just because all the processed foods in my pantry are organic does not make me feel better. Well…it does a little…or a lot, it makes me feel a lot better – but STILL. Ridding the house of high fructose corn syrup is hardly a substitute for real food. So my plan is simple. I’ll start cooking again – vegetables, an easily digestible starch and some kind of humanely treated protein that ate only grass and love before it met its untimely demise. I’ll get back to rinsing and chopping and measuring and seasoning – wafting and sampling and plating and serving. We’ll gather around the table to eat dinner as a family and I’ll feel like a better mother for providing a meal that’s deliciously wholesome and comforting. Or I can cut the shit and say that I’m getting back in the kitchen to cook a meal I won’t be able to enjoy because I’ll be too busy threatening my kids throughout dinner. “Take a bite. NOW – are you listening to me? I said take a bite… I’m serious - if I have to tell you one more time…” Wait, NOW I remember why I stopped cooking. Michelle

14.05 20120

Picasso of Procrastination

By: admin Categories:Goddess Insights

Good morning, sisters! I trust everyone’s Mother’s Day was fabulously lazy and full of pampering! I pretty much stayed in my pajamas all weekend, catching up on couch time and classic movies. Casablanca, Gone with the Wind, Sixteen Candles, oh the culture was flowing in the Colston house, as was the champagne. My second literary project wrapped on Friday and it was a thing of celebration! I totally cried. It will be shipping off to the editor today. *nail biting* I’m experiencing writer’s remorse. “Did I cut too much out? Do the chapters flow? Did I write the wrong ending?” It was so weird not working this weekend. Liberating, but weird. Then this morning it felt kind of nice. “No book to write today…I guess I’ll do some laundry.” Then I walked into my laundry room. “On second thought, I do have a sequel to outline… Better get to work on that.” After all, art always trumps chores. Michelle

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